Working in the field of parenting is something that is close to my heart. Throughout my career in child and family mental health I spent many hours sat opposite parents who were struggling with their relationship with their children. In their hearts, all they wanted was to be lovingly connected with their children and to give and receive warmth and care – yet the challenges thrown up by everyday life often make this simple goal seem so difficult to achieve. I think my empathy for, and interest in, this area stems from the challenges that I experienced in my own family of origin- challenges around love, intimacy and belonging. It seems to me that it was no accident that I then found myself working in the field of child and family mental health for nearly 20 years. Over that time, I gained experience working with many families, including reconstituted families, foster parents, adoptive parents and families that had experienced separation, bereavement and loss. I also spent time working in a nursery where, among other things, I ran a group for fathers and their toddler children- this kindled a particular interest in working with fathers which has continued to this day.
I work with parents to enhance their know how and understanding around their child’s emotional development, set effective boundaries, address challenging behaviours and manage day-to-day difficulties. My approach comprises a blend of relational, psycho-educational and behavioural methods to help parents become more confident and happier in their parenting. The guiding principles of this work can be summed up as follows:
· Supporting parents as facilitators of the child's emotional language capabilities and enabling the child to articulate emotional states
· Viewing the child’s behaviour as a form of communication and helping them to find constructive and age-appropriate ways to communicate those things they are struggling to articulate.
· Working with the principle that children need freedom within boundaries as opposed to freedom from boundaries.
· Where two parents are raising a child together, working as a unified team, supporting each other and offering the child consistent approaches. Within this, it’s important that parents do not undermine each other.
· Ensuring that parents avoid ‘pathologizing’ or scapegoating the child.
· Having an awareness of a 'team around the child' approach, i.e. the role of other individuals and institutions in the child's life, such as adult relatives, school, recreational clubs- learning from how others relate to the child and consistency of approach and clear communication across different social contexts.
A testimonial from some parents I worked with recently:
We came to see Neil at a time when our family was under significant stress. Relationships within the family were fractious; the children weren’t getting on with each other, and as parents, we were worn down. Over a period of six months, with regular sessions, Neil helped us firstly through these acute times when we were very much in ‘fire-fighting’ mode and then helped us to be much more the parents that we wanted to be. Neil works with great skill, patience and sensitivity and has a wealth of knowledge at his fingertips. We were particularly grateful for the guidance we received around setting boundaries around behaviour and also learning how to be more consistently child centred. We are enjoying our children again! As a family we are now in a much happier place. Thank you Neil, you’ve made the world of difference to us all!
A & T, Parents
If you are interested in some coaching or support around parenting please feel free to contact me.
The fee for parenting coaching sessions is a sliding scale from £80-£120 per hour. Upon booking, I ask you to choose the hourly rate that feels appropriate for you.